'The Bachelor' Running Diary: Week 2 - The rise of Tierra
Welcome back to yet another season of “The Bachelor”!
Believe it or not, the last time there was a Bachelor running diary on this site was July 23. I’ve missed you all. Okay, not really. What I’ve really missed is making fun of this utterly ridiculous show.
The season premiere of the latest Bach aired last Monday but I was on vacation so I wasn’t around to do a write up for it. That’s too bad as there was plenty to talk about, such as:
- The Bowflex ad starring new Bach Sean Lowe at the beginning of the show. No wonder the guy is single, all he does is work out. Loser.
- The comedic stylings of Arie and Sean. I think once Sean breaks up with whomever “wins” this season these two guys will be starring in an ABC sitcom called “Sex and the City for Dudes”.
- Four bachelorettes with ties to the state of Colorado, including Tierra who, judging from the season preview, looks like this season’s villain. The Centennial State representin’!
- The return of Kacie, who was on Ben’s season of “The Bachelor”. All I remember about Kacie is that she was a bit of a square. She also looks like she’s lost too much weight. Eat a cheesburger girl!
And of course, we have the new Bachelor – Sean Lowe. Here’s what I wrote about him last season from a May 29th entry from episode three of Emily’s season (Bachelor history lessons free of charge):
7:43 – Evening group date time. Sean is talking with Emily. I’m pretty sure if Sean, who's very pale, and Emily, who's very fair, had a kid, it would look like the albino from "The Princess Bride." Or former Denver Bronco linebacker Karl Mecklenburg. Or comedian Jim Gaffigan. Or Ron Weasley.
I stick by that comment. I’m still trying to nail down exactly what color Sean is. Peach? Sunburn red? And what about his hair? Light ginger? Strawberry blonde? For comedic reasons, I’m going to go ahead and call him a red head. I have nothing against red heads, I find the women of the species very attractive. But red headed guys? When Prince Harry is one of your studs you deserve to be mocked.
Okay, enough chitchat. Let’s get this thing started. As always, be sure to check out the flavor filling links.
7:02 – The show starts off with another Bowflex ad featuring a topless Sean working out. All that’s missing is a 1-800 number at the bottom of the screen.
7:04 – Sarah has the first one-on-one date. Sarah has only one arm (you can't tell from the pic but take my word for it). She’s a very pretty girl and I refuse to be a jerk and make fun of someone with a physical disability. That and she's from Colorado. But know that if she does or says something stupid, she’s still fair game. And yes, my lawyer recommended I include this paragraph to cover my ass.
7:15 – Sean takes Sarah via helicopter to a building in downtown LA. They free fall from the top of the building but not a cool free fall, a safe free fall. Meh. The season always starts metaphorical adventure dates (“take a risk on love”, “take a leap of faith” or some such nonsense), I’m not impressed.
7:19 – Time for the evening portion of Sarah and Sean’s date. They start with some wine. Have you ever noticed the size of the wine glasses on this show? I think this guy is in charge of wine portion control.
7:25 – Sarah gets a rose at the end of the date and says, “I feel like I’m falling in love with Sean.” We’re only 25 minutes into the second episode of the season! You’ve only gone on one mindless date! It's like I’m watching a deleted scene from “Les Miserable” where people fall in love while eye humping each other from across the street. What’s going on here?!?
7:29 – Group date time! That means we’re bound to hear all 13 women screaming at once (always a treat), claws will come out, and someone will do or say something in the heat of competition that they normally wouldn’t. Yeah! Today is a Harlequin book cover shoot. The best bachelorette model gets to be on the cover of three romance novels. I didn’t even know those things were still in print.
7:32 – It’s been almost 30 minutes and since it’s stated in Sean’s contract with ABC, he’s bare-chested again. Drool away at that peach (or sunburn red) skin ladies.
7:33 – And now things are beginning to get testy. Robyn and Tierra are starting to butt heads. This is what this show needs, more trash talk and eventually some hair pulling and maybe if I’m lucky some mud wrestling.
7:36 – Says Tierra during the photo shoot, “I’m here for Sean. I’m here to get to know HIM.” Allow me to translate – “I’m starting to feel everyone ganging up on me because I’m ultra competitive. I will pretend to not care but in actuality my own insecurities are starting to rise to the surface but I will suppress them through alcohol and denial.”
7:38 – Kristy the model (yes, another model on “The Bachelor”) is picked by the Harlequin reps as the best model (surprise). Her confidence during the entire event was pretty unbearable. I think she thought she was on a different reality show.
7:39 – And here’s the fourth confessional in a five minute span with Tierra who keeps sounding like she’s trying to talk herself into something – “I don’t want to play dress up. I’m here for Sean and I want him to see what Tierra really wants.” Whenever you can refer to yourself in the third person on national TV you really have to do it.
7:44 – Pool party time with Sean and 13 women. Immediately the topic of discussion goes to “winning” the game. Every woman keeps saying, “I’m going to get this rose.” It’s only episode two and we’ve already reached the point where none of the women care any more about the guy and are in full on Competition Mode. The Bachelor could be John Goodman at this point and these women would stab each other in the heart to get him.
7:48 – Sean is talking with Kacie. It’s very ambiguous how they know each other and their conversation isn’t making things any clearer. They talk about a time they were both in New York and of some kind of friendship but the context is completely nebulous. Since I’m a romantic here’s what I think happened.
While in New York Sean and Kacie bumped into each other and spent a fun day together. There was romance in the air but both were leery of what was going on so Kacie wrote her phone number inside the cover of the book “Love in the Time of Cholera”. If Sean found it at a later date they were meant to be together, if not they weren’t.
Or maybe that’s just the plot from the John Cusack/Kate Beckinsale movie “Serendipity,” I can’t recall.
7:56 – Sean is chatting with Tierra. She’s good at telling men what they want to hear. I look forward to seeing her in a bikini on “Bachelor Pad 4”.
7:59 – Yoga instructor Katie (who's dressed like Tony Montana’s sister in “Scarface”) just realized she’s on a reality show and is competing with some very aggressive women for one man. Let this be a lesson to all reality show contestants – always watch the show you want to be on before you sign up.
8:01 – And Katie decides to hang it up. Good for her. Why torture yourself if you’re not into the “process”?
8:02 – Kacie gets the group rose. I guess Sean found that copy of “Love in the Time of Cholera” after all.
8:08 – Sean is preparing for a one-on-one date with Desiree. Pre-date he and Chris Harrison (in his meatiest role to date) create an elaborate ruse at a fake art gallery to “prank” Dez so she believes she’s broken an expensive piece of art. Why? Because nothing says “funny” like stressing someone out and giving them a heart attack.
8:10 – Desiree is very attractive. She’s like a pretty Katie Holmes. Of course, according to the season preview Dez has a boyfriend back home. I wonder if he looks like Tom Cruise.
8:14 – The prank is over and hilarity did not ensue. Desiree didn’t seem to buy it. Note to all men reading this post (my brother?) – don’t try this at home.
8:15 – We see a Chris Harrison promo where he asks anyone interested in being on “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” to go to bachelor.abc.com and apply. Don’t worry, I’ve already filled out an application for you. Expect a call tomorrow.
8:22 – Sean and Desiree’s real date is happening now. They really seem to be getting along but I can’t take anything she says seriously thanks to the season preview where we see Sean confronted by someone who might be Desiree’s hometown boyfriend (or a crazy stalker). Hopefully this gets figured out soon.
8:25 – Desiree gets a rose and now she’s making out with Sean in a pool. Afterwards, during a confessional, he’s saying all sorts of things it looks like he’ll regret later such as, “I can see myself being with Des” and “I could see myself married to someone like Des” and “Right now I see every quality in a wife and a best friend”. Only if your wife rips your heart out Temple of Doom-style.
8:32 – Cocktail party time! Get ready for uncomfortable conversations with the women who didn’t go on dates and Tierra giving death stares.
8:33 – While talking with Lindsay (the one who showed up during episode one in a wedding dress) Sean says he’s, “all about family”. Just once I’d like someone to say, “You know what, I just don’t like families. Families suck and are a financial burden.” Is anyone not pro-family? It’s like saying you’re pro-freedom or pro-love or pro-money. Duh!
8:42 – Robyn flat out asks Sean if he is actually attracted to African-American women. Sean, to his credit, seems to answer genuinely and states that he has dated all different ethnicities of women and that his last girlfriend was black. Good to know. Often you’ll see minorities on this show (and as a minority myself this is something I notice) and they seem to get eliminated early. Everyone has their own preference so I’m not judging, I’m just stating that usually it seems like diversity is a token gesture on this show. But with Sean, it seems like we have someone who really is open to dating from any cultural background. Good for him! And kudos to Robyn for having the stones to ask the question.
8:51 – Final rose ceremony time! The only person who seems to be a certain to leave is Amanda who only opened up when Sean was around. She was so forgettable that I didn’t even know she was on tonight’s group date and I can’t remember seeing her at all during episode one. It’s as if some random woman in a yellow dress showed up and acted like she belonged.
8:56 – Math whiz Chris Harrison just announced that only one rose remains.
8:57 – Amanda gets the final rose! I’m looking forward to some in-house drama in the coming weeks. Meanwhile Brooke (little camera time) and Diana (single mom who I thought was very cute) are sent packing.
Final thoughts – This was a bit of an odd episode. The groundwork has been laid for Tierra to be a first rate villain, but I’d like to see more of her cattiness and less of her insecurity…Was the “prank” on Dez meant to be a tryout for Chris Harrison to be on some kind of show like “Punk’d”? If so, I hope studio execs pass…It's so early in the season that I can't even remember all the women's names. I just looked over the ABC bios and I can't even tell who's still in the game. We need to get rid of some of these ladies.
See you next week!
You can follow Gazette Media Columnist Terry Terrones on Twitter at twitter.com/terryterrones.